Back to Reality

I knew the day would eventually come for my maternity leave to come to its end.  Tuesday was that day.

This isn't the first time I've left my fresh new baby to go back to work, but each time has been different.  

With Owen, I was pretty emotional.  I cried.  I cried the weeks before anytime I thought of going back.  I cried giving him a bottle for the first time.  I cried hard that morning.  I cried throughout the day when I thought of him.  I cried when I got home and hugged him.  I cried my first in-house call night.

My time with Griffin was a little less sappy.  The end of my leave was also the beginning of my residency here in Grand Island.  I was excited to be here, and the first few weeks my work schedule was light.  I didn't feel like I was missing out on much.  However, there were still some tears when I dropped both boys off at daycare for the first time.  Thanks to my mother-in-law and a few wonderful babysitters, we had never used a "real daycare" in Omaha.  This daycare-thing seemed like a new stretch for me as a working mom.  Thankfully, our daycare is wonderful so the stretch was a little less painful.

Now, with Jordan, I didn't know how I would handle it.  I love my family and also my job, and I was excited to get back.  I wanted to feel productive and successful again, but not only in the "mommy" kind of way.  I looked forward to catching up with nurses, staff, and patients whom I hadn't seen for weeks.  I liked picking out shoes to wear that weren't slippers or flip-flops.  (But I liked picking out an outfit a lot less because I still have baby weight to lose.)  I was excited to gush about how cute and awesome Jordy is.  And, honestly, I was happy to not be changing diapers, administering time-outs, wiping up spilled milk, or folding laundry (or feeling guilty for not) for a few hours a day.

As much as I truly missed those handsome faces at home, and although I did swallow a tear or two on my drive in thinking about the big smile Jordy flashed at me for the first time the day before, stepping back into clinic and hearing "Dr. Newman" for the first time was a good feeling.  It felt like coming home after a long trip to paradise.  As much as someone says they hate to leave, and as often as they say they want to go back, there is still something to be said about the comfort of pulling into the driveway, sleeping in your own bed, and getting back to the old routine.

Now, we'll have to see how things go over the next several weeks.  It still isn't fun getting up several times a night, and adding a beeping pager to the sleepless nights will be interesting.  Finishing clinic notes long after the boys are in bed will always be miserable.  And, because Jason is home for the summer, we haven't yet tackled the challenge of getting all three to daycare.

For now, I just enjoy every moment - the good, the bad, and the messy.  I am so lucky to have the life I do with three beautiful boys, one awesome husband, a supportive family, and the ability to do something I love!

Jordy and I on my first day back to work.