Triathlon

Less than 12 hours before the starting buzzer rang out I planned to be on the sideline.  Fighting a sinus infection and feeling generally unprepared I didn't think I could make it.  Instead, Saturday morning I woke up feeling better than I had in days and decided that trying and failing would be better than not trying at all.  And who knew, maybe I wouldn't fail.  Also, as much as I don't like to fail, I dislike giving up even more.  So...

I sniffed my Afrin (even though I recommend against it all of the time, I found this to be an exception), put on my suit, and headed out.  We barely made it in time, but that didn't give me much time to second guess my commitment.  I felt calm until I started to wade into the muddy, mucky waters of Holmes lake.  With just seconds before start time it hit me.  I can't back out.  I'm not on the side line.  Now I either give up or I finish.  Do or die.  Maybe "die" is an exaggeration, but I was, after all, headed into a deep lake.

Throughout the rest of the race do or die; do it; I'm doing it ran through my head.  And guess what... now I can say that I did it.

I did it, but I did not do it alone.  When we checked in, they asked, "Individual or team?"  While I signed up as an individual, it was my "team" that got me here.  In honor of that, here are a few shout-outs.

• First and foremost, my mom.  Literally, I would not have done it without her.  She was essentially the single mom for the boys.  I know how difficult it is to haul them and their stuff around, and she did it with a smile on her face.
• In as much as Mom helped practically, Dad helped keep me emotionally.  Five years ago it was me and him, and he's been in every race I've done since then.  That is, until this year.  Still, he kept encouraging me with emails, texts, etc...  He also let me use his bike, which made that part of the race tolerable.
• Keeping with the family theme, you'd be crazy if you didn't think my husband deserved a shout-out!  It isn't even worth trying to put it all into one paragraph and risk making it seem finite or containable.  If you know him, you already know he's awesome.  But seriously - AWESOME!
• Finally, my boys.  They are probably the best motivators around.  Sure, at ages 2 and 1 they never said "Keep going, Mommy," or "You can do it."  But those smiles at the top of the last bike hill said it all.
• I also want to give a shout-out to the CSG Triathlon women.  Numbers were down this year, so all the women were grouped together instead of dividing us up by age.  We were far outnumbered by the guys.  With a cheer as we got into the water, we knew we were in it together.  Through the rest of the race, it was nothing but sweet encouragement from these ladies.
• Here's some love for those confident racers who despite a lack of a model-type body came out in their suits and spandex.
• And to the Scheel's biker shorts guy.  For the entire second lap of the bike race we went back and forth.  I passed him.  He passed me.  Eventually, he won, and I had to stare at his Scheel's biker shorts for the rest of the final lap.
• My biker friend had legs about twice the length of mine, so there was no way I was keeping up with him.  However, at about the 1 mile mark on the jog a new partner came along.  I could hear her feet crunching on the gravel trail just steps behind me, but she wasn't coming up too fast.  She was just keeping pace.  It kept me going, and pushed me to go a little faster.  Every now and again she would say something encouraging to me or other racers, and I returned the favor when her jog slowed to walk on the big hill.  She smiled and then picked up the pace to follow back in step.
• Lastly, here's a little shout-out to "Element."  Thanks for the shirt.  I left my jogging shirt at the hotel.  Smooth, I know.

As I said before, I think this is my last triathlon for a while.  Therefore, I'm especially glad that I didn't let a little sinus infection or inadequate training stand in the way this year.  Even though finishing is addicting, I'm not convinced that another summer of training is in my near future.  Who knows though, I could be wrong...

Photo Friday - Movie Night

I'm getting the idea that "exhausted" may become my middle name for the next few years - maybe forever?  Last night it all caught up to me, and I slept for 9 hours!  I'm not talking about nice, light, quiet rest.  I was out cold, possibly even to the point of unconsciousness.  For you medical people: GCS <8, consider intubation.

You see, Jason is away at CIY with the church youth group this week.  I'm so proud of him for going, but it has been difficult.  There have been times in the past when I thought I could do it all on my own.  Independent.  But this week has gone to prove that I absolutely cannot do it on my own.  I definitely did not make it this week on my own; I couldn't even make it a day.  Mom has come to my rescue every single day!  She babysat so I could still go to Bible Study (and she answered my pager when it went off while I was gone).  She took a day off work to stay home with a sick Griffin.  She took the boys to daycare when I got called to an emergency C-section at 4:30AM.  She fed us.  She did my dishes and laundry.  She saved me.

Thankfully, Jason comes home tomorrow.  Mom may be looking forward to it the most.

As crazy as it has been, I've been trying to find fun things for the boys to look forward to every night to keep us from just counting down the nights until Daddy gets home.  One night was movie night - popcorn and all.  Hence the inspiration for the photo Friday.  (And for the record, I shouldn't endorse feeding popcorn to a 1 year old, but it got to be old trying to pull the soft part off of the hard kernel part while trying to keep his hands out of the rest of the bowl.  And I do know CPR.)

The Look

This morning on rounds one of my patients got that look in their eyes.  It's a look I've gotten pretty used to seeing.  Worry.  Fear.  Concern.  Loss-of-control.  Confusion.  Trust.  Once you see it you know you need to sit down on the edge of the bed or pull up a chair, hold a hand, and smile.  No matter what you just spent the last 10 minutes saying, they didn't hear a word of it.  I can't blame them.  I'm pretty sure I would have the same look if I sat in a hospital bed for hours on end, listening to various beeps, buzzers, pagers, and chatter not knowing what was going on inside my very own body.  My mind wrapping around the reality that life is finite.  Understandably, it's scary.

This morning, again, was one of those sit-on-the-edge-of-the-bed kind of mornings.  With her wet eyes, she looked at me and asked if she could hug me.  Of course, I did.  I don't think she asked because I did anything spectacular.  I didn't cure her.  I didn't give her wonderful news.  I think just wanted/needed a hug, and I happened to be the only other person in the room.  Still, I was happy to do it.  It was a simple way to make her feel better, and it kind of made me feel better, too.

Drug Abusers

My shock and awe for drug abusers is long gone.  I used to think that it was just a big city or trailer park thing, something only on t.v. or under bridges, and definitely not something I'd see nearly every day.  Well, my naivety with the prevalence of this unfortunate part of our culture is fading into a jaded acceptance of the reality.

If I pooled all of my admissions to the hospital in the last few months into just 5 "standard" patients the demographics would be something like this: 1 meth abuser, 1 alcoholic, 1 prescription drug addict, 1 who lies about using, and 1 "Average Joe."

It's sad.  It's sad to think about the newborns who've tested positive for their mama's drugs.  It's sad when toddlers overdose on grandma's prescriptions.  It's sad to admit someone to the hospital and then no one comes to visit because they've alienated everyone who cared about them.  It's sad.

Now, doctors have been to blame for enabling some and for keeping a steady supply on the streets.  We have HHS and the DEA watching our every move.  Tall men in dark suits waiting in the shadows to pounce on an unsuspecting doc with one too many scheduled prescriptions.  But, come on, where is personal responsibility?

Suck it up, you addicts!  Own it.  Get help.  You deserve it.

The Y Guy

With three weeks to go before race day, I'm forcing myself to get serious about this triathlon training stuff.  Therefore, yesterday, when I got out of clinic an hour earlier than expected I went to the YMCA instead of to daycare to get the boys.  (I hate not getting the boys when I'm off, which is one reason that this will probably be my last triathlon for a while.)

Usually I go to the "big" Y so I can swim, and it's big enough that you can be anonymous.  Instead, I decided to take Jason's advice and check out the "Y Express."  It's a mini-gym in a strip mall.  Not my taste.  I'm not sure I'll go back.

For the first 20 minutes it was just me and this 60, wish-he-was-still-30, year old guy.  Just the two of us.  Creepy.  I avoided conversation and eye contact.  Call it being unfriendly or cold if you want.  After a few miles on the bike a middle-aged woman who was slightly overweight but still looked to be in good shape with short gray hair joined us.  She seemed to be a good fit for creepy-cool guy, and they quickly struck up a conversation.

I pretended to play with my phone (because I couldn't figure out how to turn on the t.v., and I wasn't about to ask the only other person in the room) and eavesdropped on their not-so-private conversation.  It's remarkable what Y people think they know. 

Mr. Stud-man knew everything about everything!  He knew what was wrong with the next generation and with government.  He knew the best movies and why.  He knew how the brain worked and how to prevent dementia.  He went on about Co-Q10, flax seed, and fish oil.  Then to the treatment of depression and obesity.  It was remarkable.  I wonder how many men's journals (or Reader's Digests) he's read.

His conversation partner agreed with much of what he said, but it didn't take her long to find another machine.  (Who knows, maybe she was always planning on a 6.5-minute run on the elliptical.)

His insight made me laugh and shake my head at the same time.  He wasn't that far off base.  Sure exercise is great for depression and avoiding fast and processed food is good for your overall health.  But at the same time, some of the stuff he said was not exactly based on scientific evidence.  Anecdotal at best. 

In case you're wondering, I didn't offer any of my advice.  He isn't going to hurt himself or anyone else with his little pharmacy of multivitamins, so it was more just for my amusement that I continued to put my ears in his business.  At least it made my bike ride go fast, and enough to keep my mind occupied during my run that followed.

Beginning of the End

It's been a long week to kick off my last year of residency.  Actually, July 1st, the start of the calendar year for residency, came without much fanfare.  The significance of the date only dawned on me when I went to see who could trade a call with me, and I realized that Zach and Luris were done.  They aren't the upper-level residents anymore.  I am.  The shock and awe of that moment lasted about 1 minute.  I had too many things to do this week than freak out about how close I am to being done.

For most people this past week was a short, holiday week.  Mine was intended to be even shorter as I took the 4th and 5th off for the holiday and for Griffin's birthday.  Instead my week included two all night labors with 5-am deliveries, going to the hospital to round on my "vacation" days, and sending a clinic patient who had an appointment to "establish care" to the hospital for a heart attack.  And that was just work stuff.

After all, this week was the 4th of July and that deserves some celebrating.  On the 3rd we went to a friend's house for their annual shin-dig.  Boy, do the Foley's know how to put on a party!  The 4th was pretty laid back, and the 5th was G's birthday.  We spent most of those days relaxing and planning for Griffin's big party on Saturday.  That, too, was another fun celebration.

So, it was an eventful, busy, and fun week, and I think I slept about an hour a night.  Literally.  Let's hope I get some more sleep the rest of the weeks of this year, or it's going to be a doozy!