My apologies for being Debbie Downer lately. There have been plenty of good things going on, too, but for some reason on those days the time to sit down and write is limited. On the other hand, when my mind is occupied with something sad, or frustrating, or depressing all I can do is find time to think and write. So here I am.
Thank you, Jesus, that my depressing moments are from my work life and not my personal life. (Although I know we are not immune. Just blessed.)
A family that started out as patients of mine, but now I consider friends, lost their brother/son/friend/uncle last week. Despite his battle with cancer over the last months, it doesn't make it less shocking and obviously not less painful at the age of 22.
Honestly, I didn't know him well like his family and friends did, but I was there when he first noticed a problem. I was there when we found the lymph node and the c-a-n-c-e-r diagnosis. I visited when he was in the hospital for the third time with a fever and no immune system to fight it - still a smile on his face. I was there when his niece was born bearing his name and the proud moment he met her. I listened to his mom and sister's worries. I presented his case at a resident conference. And I even got a prayer chain email from someone who didn't know my connection but was just asking for prayers when he got really sick after the transplant. I feel like I've been there. At least, my mind has been there.
Obviously, cancer, death, pain, and loss are unfortunate but common parts of my job. Just in a few years time my heart is somewhat calloused to it all. The words, "I'm sorry for your loss," have come out of my mouth enough times that it seems to have lost the sincerity. Even so, when it comes to cases like this, it gets to me.
It's just one more example of the best and worst of my job. While it has been an honor to be a small part of this family, this totally sucks. Arg!
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