"The" House

It's not a secret that we've been looking to buy a house.  I've been looking half-seriously for over a year.  I bookmarked gihomefinder.com and snooped in as many open houses as I could. Then, a couple of months ago, we finally decided to get serious about it.  You have no idea how exciting it was to finally have Jason on my side and agreeable to buy a place of our own.

Since then, however, it has been a roller coaster.

The first day house hunting with Chris, our totally awesome realtor, we found it - "the" house!  I was convinced that this house was meant to be our house as soon as I saw the seller's family portrait over the fireplace complete with three boys of their own.  It was fate.  It was perfect.  Unfortunately, it  already had an accepted offer, and fate nor perfection could break through the legally-binding contract.

Bummer!

Then there came a lull.  We looked, and we looked.  We saw a lot of houses with potential and lot that didn't, but nothing we saw felt like "the" one.  That is, until last week.

It didn't take long after pulling into the driveway for me to feel it again.  This was it!  The big front porch.  The wooden shingles.  The big cottonwood trees.  The fireplace.  The lack of wasteful formal space.  The kitchen with a gas cooktop and an entire wall of pantries.  The 4th bedroom, I mean walk-in closet.  The huge deck.  The fancy playground that our boys ran straight to.  The included boat.  The sand.  Oh yeah... and the lake!

Wow.  I actually said, "wow!" out loud when I saw it.  To think that we started out living in a 400 square foot apartment, and now we could be living like this.  As we drove away, I had to have it.  I couldn't wait to go back.  I couldn't wait to move in, decorate, and have people over.

We signed our offer Wednesday.  It was a little under what they were asking, but they were asking a little over what we had planned to spend.  Okay, a lot over.  Thursday evening, after frustrating negotiations, we found ourselves standing back on the beach looking out at the lake and the big yellow two-story and deciding to give in and pay up.  After all, it was "the" house!

With everything verbally accepted, all we needed to do was go in the next day and sign the papers.

But... 

We didn't.  Nope.  We didn't sign them.  Shocking, I know.  It was "the" house!

We went home that night instead and talked and prayed and slept.  Jason had hesitation giving up on our goals to pay off student loans, and I had hesitation to give up a fourth bedroom and convenient location.  At the same time, I think we each would have given it all up if it would have just felt right.  And it didn't.  I will never be able to humanly explain why it didn't feel right short of admitting that we are crazy.

It is a great house, and, yes, I'll be making a "doctor's salary" in a few months.  On paper we can afford it, but we really can't afford it.  Not without sacrificing what we aren't willing to sacrifice.

So, here we are without "the" house.  And as much as I still dream about that house, I don't regret our decision.  Maybe, the lake house will be ours some day after all, or maybe, there is something even better in store tomorrow.