Oh, My Purse

If you know me, then you probably also know the big red bag that is always by my side. As a woman, as a mom, and as a physician, there are always things I need. In the past I carried a cute little purse, a diaper bag, and a white lab coat (and add a breast pump when I was breastfeeding).  That wasn't very efficient or practical.  Honestly, it was down right terrible to go anywhere.  Therefore, it was huge blessing when I found a big cute bag to consolidate my stuff.

As I dug through my purse this morning looking for my keys I was caught off guard with all of the things that I "need" in there. Here's what I found today in the abyss I call a purse.

• Keys. Yes, thankfully, they were in there.
• Cell phone. Actually, it is rarely in there, and when it ends up in my purse I can never find it fast enough to answer it. If you call, and I don't answer, it's probably because my phone is vibrating in the bottom of my purse.
• Pager. Unfortunately, it's usually in there even when I'm not technically on call.
• Diapers and wipes. What good mom wouldn't be prepared for accidents? Occasionally, I have extra clothes in there, too.
• Ketchup packet. Who knows what problems you could solve with ketchup when you have two boys who love to eat.
• Family Medicine Board Review book. Yes, it is the size of a text book.  I also always carry a pocket OB book, my Harriet Lane (a pediatric pocket textbook), and a little notebook that I call "my peripheral brain" that keeps notes of medical things I can never seem to remember. I actually use these often.
• Gloves. Yeah, it's January in Nebraska and these are a necessity.
• Stethoscope. Most mom's probably don't carry this, but I rarely leave home without it.
• Gum. A.K.A. emergency tooth brush.
• Hot Wheels car. It's small, quiet, and may keep my boys entertained for a few minutes. I should probably keep two in there to avoid battles.
• Wallet. Hopefully, it's in there.
• Cash. After taking Dave Ramsey's class, we use cash for our everyday expenditures, and because I never know when I'll have a free 20 minutes to run to the store I usually have some on hand.
• Pens. Honestly, there are probably 20 buried in there.
• Hair brush, compact, and "feminine hygiene products." I could probably pare this down some considering my current pregnant state, but you also never know when you'll need to help out a friend (or concoct a diaper).
• Pictures of my kids. Never mind that Owen's photo is two years old, and Griffin's is at least one. I'd feel like a bad mother if I didn't have anything.
• An assortment of bracelets, bangles, rings, and necklaces. These are things that I thought looked cute when I left the house but then decided weren't so cute after all or weren't so practical for what the day had in store. There would probably be shoes in there, too, if they'd fit.
• Laptop & charger.  I don't always carry this around because it puts the bag's weight a little over the top; but it is in there most work days.
• Candy - suckers & fruit snacks at the moment. Another mom essential.
• Hospital I.D.'s. One for St. Francis (so I can get in after hours), one for Mary Lanning (where I worked last month), and I used to carry one for UNMC and Offutt Airforce base. Offutt hunted me down to get that one back, and a few weekends ago I realized maybe I should still carry one for UNMC because of the discounts when we are back in Omaha.

Amazingly, when I organize it just right it all fits, but this bag has clearly been put to the test. The rips and tears are getting bigger, and it is a matter of time before I hang it up for good. I've started the search for a new one, but the replacement has big shoes to fill - literally! 

A Quiet Moment

Is this actually a quiet moment to myself?  It's Saturday.  I'm not on call.  No one is in labor.  Jason and Owen are at basketball practice, and Griffin is taking a nap.  I'm showered.  I did my Bible study.  Laundry is started.  The house is picked up, not clean, but not so embarrassing if someone pops by.  It feels like there hasn't been a moment like this is weeks, maybe months.  Ahhh...

 

I really do love my life.  Just about every part of it.  But it can be exhausting.  Just looking back on the past few weeks there has reason for exhaustion (and excitement, too)...

 

... with my family:  Griffin now eats with a fork and drinks out of regular cups, he also has added new words to his vocabulary including "book" and "bath" which sound almost identical.  Owen went a whole day without diapers.  Jason is really enjoying coaching basketball - even though they did only score one point in their first game.  And my growing belly is unmistakably pregnant now.  I rapid cycle between excitement and panic at the thought of soon having three boys.

 

... with my job:  I've seen a lot of great cases lately!  (Great in the sense that I'm learning, not great in the sense that these are real people living through it.)  First, I started out the month with a lady who came to the ER for a pulled back muscle and in a matter of hours was sent to Omaha for concern of acute leukemia.  Then on my call night, I admitted an infant with what turned out to be a stroke.  That same night (at 3AM) I almost sent her peer down the hall to Children's in Omaha because her blood work looked so bad.  Whatever we did, worked, and by morning she was better.  Medicine is amazing.  Additionally, this past week I helped take care of lady who had a perforated gastric ulcer (i.e. a hole through her stomach), and yes, that is a bad thing to have.  Just yesterday she got out of the ICU.  I also saw a young lady whose own body was destroying her red blood cells to the point she had less than half the blood cells should have.  And, lastly a frustrating case of a patient refusing to be induced into labor despite the fact that the fluid around her baby is dangerously low.  Did I say that medicine is amazing?

 

... with my church:  Jason and I have been a small part on a team of people working to reinvent our Welcome Team at church.  We just had a big recruitment push the past two weeks, and had a great response.  Also, my Monday night women's Bible study is back at it after a break for the holidays.  It's great to share good food and time in the book of Ruth.  Lastly, we also recently started a couple's small group in our house.  It's been a little bit of a struggle getting going with the craziness of December, but we really enjoying getting to know some new families.

 

In my opinion, that's a lot for the 19 days of January so far, and it makes me really appreciate the rare quiet moments like this.  Unfortunately, it's over.  I hear Griffin jabbering away in his crib.

Moments of the Month

December is nearly over and I realize how much I've slacked in keeping this updated.  Sorry.  Here's what you've missed...

Impromptu day trip to Omaha.

Christmas quickly got into full swing when Santa visited the boys' daycare.

Owen turned 3.

The first big snow storm meant a snow day to stay home and play.

Santa came to the Newman house a weekend early.
He brought Owen a balance bike and Griffin a piano.

The Zlomke Christmas celebration had plenty of fun games.

Candle-light service in Texas on Christmas Eve was a
good reminder of the reason for the celebrations.

Christmas morning did not disappoint.

Owen loves bowling... unfortunately.

They were such good travelers considering
the 15 hour road trip each way.

We had a great time hanging out with family and each other.

Miracles

In our small group, part of the homework last week was to list 10 miracles from the week.  It was a great exercise to remember how blessed we truly are.  On the other hand, it was kind of embarrassing that it took me a while to get to number ten.  I guess I need to practice reflecting on the blessings of every day.  So, in an attempt to start practicing, here's a new list of ten of the many miracles from this week.

1. Delivering a baby.
2. Not needing a coat in December in Nebraska.
3. No admissions to the hospital on Saturday.
4. Being pregnant.
5. Coming home to Jason cooking dinner... and it tasted good, too.
6. The Internet.
7. The human eyeball.
8. Driving a car.
9. What you can see with a CT scan.
10. Griffin learning to play peek-a-boo.

It's a miracle.  Everything is a miracle.  Thanks for entertaining me and helping me to be more grateful for every day.

Sad Again

My apologies for being Debbie Downer lately.  There have been plenty of good things going on, too, but for some reason on those days the time to sit down and write is limited.  On the other hand, when my mind is occupied with something sad, or frustrating, or depressing all I can do is find time to think and write.  So here I am.

 

Thank you, Jesus, that my depressing moments are from my work life and not my personal life.  (Although I know we are not immune.  Just blessed.) 

 

A family that started out as patients of mine, but now I consider friends, lost their brother/son/friend/uncle last week.  Despite his battle with cancer over the last months, it doesn't make it less shocking and obviously not less painful at the age of 22.

 

Honestly, I didn't know him well like his family and friends did, but I was there when he first noticed a problem.  I was there when we found the lymph node and the c-a-n-c-e-r diagnosis.  I visited when he was in the hospital for the third time with a fever and no immune system to fight it - still a smile on his face.  I was there when his niece was born bearing his name and the proud moment he met her.  I listened to his mom and sister's worries.  I presented his case at a resident conference.  And I even got a prayer chain email from someone who didn't know my connection but was just asking for prayers when he got really sick after the transplant.  I feel like I've been there.  At least, my mind has been there.

 

Obviously, cancer, death, pain, and loss are unfortunate but common parts of my job.  Just in a few years time my heart is somewhat calloused to it all.  The words, "I'm sorry for your loss," have come out of my mouth enough times that it seems to have lost the sincerity.  Even so, when it comes to cases like this, it gets to me.

 

It's just one more example of the best and worst of my job.  While it has been an honor to be a small part of this family, this totally sucks.  Arg!

Sleepless

Surprisingly, despite frozen images from my rotations in trauma, transplant, OB, clinic, etc... that are forever etched in my mind, there are very few things regarding my work that keep me up at night or make it into my dreams.  However, now it is 4AM, and here I am. 

 

Jason closed his eyes tonight and saw Thomas the Train (yes, he actually told me that; and, yes, I said Jason not Owen).  However, as I forced my eyes closed tonight, I saw something else completely.  Words that would describe this mental photograph are difficult to choose.

 

Tragedy overwhelmed by an odd sense of genuine, enthralling, and unmistakable beauty.  (I did my best, but somehow the words still seem hollow.)

 

There are also few things that make me love and hate my job to the extremes.  Those "things" are also the stuff we doctors can't, don't, won't, or rarely talk about.  Bad outcomes.  Dirty laundry.  Dilemmas.  Mistakes.  Gore.  The unexplainable.  You know, all the stuff they put on TV.

 

Sometimes I wonder why we tend to keep all that in.  It can't be good for our health - mental or physical.  Is it: HIPPA?  Fear of lawsuits?  Pride?  Humility?  A lack of anyone else understanding and therefore fear of somehow minimizing it?  Professionalism?  Tradition?  Who knows.

 

All I know, is that I can't sleep.

A House Divided...

NO!  Susan and I are not splitting up...Abraham Lincoln gets the credit for those famous words, but it's actually Scripture from Mark 3:25 and it was Jesus who spoke those words.  I decided to raid Susan's blog because of something that has been weighing on my mind for a few days.   
I find it unreal that in the most advanced civilization ever created:

- 46 million people are on food stamps (Source: CNBC, June 2012)
- ER waiting rooms get bogged down by people without real emergencies who likely won't foot the bill and impeding the efforts of doctors and nurses trained to provide vital care to sick and dying patients (Source: numerous conversations with medical professionals who work in these places),
- 3.8% of California's population on government welfare (Source: AP, June 2012),
- Nearly 8% unemployment (Source: U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics), and
- $16 trillion in debt yet the problem is not one election or one candidate (Source: debtclock.org). 

The problem is what we accept in our culture.  Think about it, 50 years ago,  Kennedy (Dem.) said, "And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country."   I don't even necessarily like Kennedy but his words weren't divisive, just the opposite, and he surely didn't say "Ask what your government can give you..." or this is what I "promise the government will provide...".  I would say the party motto has changed.  (Side note: I am an Independent, largely because when George Washington left office he warned people about the newly forming political parties and the dangers they would create, questioning if we really wanted the future to be a divided nation.  Plus, I want the freedom to choose people who align closest with my beliefs).  When was the last time you heard one party speak highly of the other?  Are we united now that the election is over?  I did read some gloating comments and some no-so-happy comments Tuesday night so I am going on a limb and guessing we're divided. 

After working in schools for a few years I can tell you the Kennedy quote is not the mindset of our current generation.  It's not even the mindset of my own generation, sadly.  I am not even sure it's the mindset of the many from the generation before me.  There are certainly plenty of kids who have ambition, goals, and love being an American citizen but far too many of our American children and adults believe the government is here to provide for us - that it's the answer for jobs, bailing out bad decisions, and the economy.  That's FALSE - its us, it is our job to fix these problems. 

When the people fear the government, there is tyranny. When the government fears the people, there is liberty.  - Thomas Jefferson


Now, I know sometimes kids say things without thinking and don't fully understand how our government works.  Every year, when I read "promote the general welfare" out of the Constitution I inevitably have to explain to every class period this does not mean the check some of their families receive but that government is supposed to assure the general well being of all people (not support or finance them).  That's not a joke either - I get asked every time we cover it - every class period, every year.

I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them. - Thomas Jefferson

My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from too much government.

- Thomas Jefferson

I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend. - Thomas Jefferson
 Part of the reason, I wanted to be a teacher was to help kids realize the American dream does exist but its about personal responsibility, gaining the ability to formulate your own opinions and being educated rather than ignorant.  Unfortunately, this dream that made our country great seems to be slipping away with each spending stimulus that adds billions to the debt, the mandates that take away personal freedoms, and that if you build wealth it will be taxed at high rates because you are an evil, rich person (punishing those who succeed).  Oddly enough, many of the same kids who shouted "Obama" in the halls on Tuesday and Wednesday have aspirations to be rich. 

I spend a lot of time thinking about the different shifts in American culture, ideals, and morals over the decades.  I may not be an "expert" but I get consumed with studying our country and how/why we achieved our freedom, the concerns of the Founders, the complexities of the Civil War, how Americans survived the worst period of poverty during the 1930s, and everything else in between.  Ask Susan - she'll likely say I am a "history nerd", which is true, so I ask:  How did we get here?  Why are we so divided?  Who do millions believe they are entitled to things they have not earned nor deserve?  When did it begin? 






Three things I have learned in the past year that gives me some comfort this political and financial mess could eventually be fixed in time:

1) We need to take control and responsibility of our personal lives - faith, family, finances.
2) Men need to be men, be there for our families and role model to them with real, Biblical values because let's not kid ourselves: politicians, athletes, video games, and MTV aren't getting the job done.  For many years, when parents were parents, schools were reinforcing what was being taught at home.  Now it feels reversed and we're hoping it's reciprocated in the home. 
3) Prayer - regardless of beliefs, opinions, views, and general dislike of others - we need to pray for our leaders, families, country, and its very flawed government.  People will fail us and so will governments but when we have full faith and trust in the Lord, He will not. 

Susan - I promise I will never take over your blog for a political rant again.  Besides, your blogs are much better than mine!